In February I made a choice to take control of something in my life. So much is happening that is out of my control I needed to take charge of something. I chose weight loss and a healthier lifestyle. As I’ve written about my journey with the ‘fad’ diet I learned a lot about myself and what I am capable of. For as difficult as it is for me to say, I’m even a little proud of my accomplishment. I’ve lost over 20 lbs. since I started. This is the healthiest I’ve been since I moved out from my parents’ house at age 19, maybe even more so.
While I’m happy with my progress I’m still working on losing about 8 more lbs. to be my ideal weight for my height. This is where my own self-doubting and insecure nature comes into play. I’m utterly terrified I’m going to somehow screw up all I’ve accomplished. If I go more than one day without exercising (just walking or karate nothing crazy like the gym hahaha) the guilt and shame come creeping in. All I can think about is that I’m sure I’ve gained back weight, I’m going to have to eat less and work that much harder to lose anything more. But then I don’t eat less and I don’t work harder. I’m still within my calorie count thanks to my handy dandy phone ap. But then I worry if I’ve under estimated how much I’ve eaten and how do I know I only had a single serving and not a serving and a half?!!
Seriously, I’ve finally stuck to something, had a great outcome and I can’t even fully friggin enjoy it!! What gives, you screwed up brain?! You lost weight, you’re in escrow for a house, be happy and stay happy…for once!!