Moving Forward


The momentum of life keeps pushing me forward. Though I can feel the depression in me trying to dig in its heals with a desire to just crawl away sometimes, progress is being made! We are currently in escrow for our first home together. It’s been almost 10 years since I bought a home and I forgot how tedious and expensive just starting the buying process can be.

The last place I bought after my divorce was at the peak of the market back in 2006. I was told the housing market was so strong the value would only go up. When the crash hit not long after the value of my place went down over $150000 and falling. I was paying a ridiculous rate on a split mortgage I had no hope of refinancing. That’s how I learned about foreclosure.

I realize I had no control over the market or the economy for that matter, but part of me is afraid I may be making the same mistake now. I doubt my ability to make a good choice all because of one home buying screw up. When I told my parents that I was looking to buy again, since my foreclosure “penalty” was coming to an end, my mother was very supportive. My father, being who he is, was concerned. Do you have a reputable realtor, what type of area is it, is anyone parked on their lawn, can you really afford this? As if I didn’t have enough self-doubt, my father will always ensure I have enough to torment me through the entire process.

My rational side knows that I’m currently throwing money away on rent. Home buying can be a good investment if done properly. I trust the trained realtor, the area is decent, no cars on lawns that I could see, and YES I should be able to afford this with some help from the BF.

My days and nights consist of agonizing over my doubts and fears to being excited I’m finally getting out of renting. I’m not one to go on and on about the benefits of exercise, but I must admit, the fact that I get on that treadmill or go to karate training has allowed my body to keep functioning better than it used to under stressful situations. I still struggle to make it into the office everyday, I still struggle to get quotes I need, but I’m still getting by.



  1. Em Well · June 15, 2015

    I needed to read this today. Thanks for writing it


    • Jinx · June 23, 2015

      I’m glad you were able to get something you needed from it 🙂 Thank you!


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