Barely Functioning


I’ve had so much to say but no desire to write. I became so discouraged when I learned I didn’t get hired for the position I wanted but not long after I had another interview for a different position. This one didn’t pay as much but would still have been a promotion and out of my current office. It was a great interview; a panel of three asked me the questions. Because it’s a government type job they have to ask very specific questions, but as we talked they would get off topic and ask for more details. This was unlike any of the other government interviews I had ever had. I felt really good after. I know that because there is a lot bureaucratic bullshit they have to go through it can take several weeks before they offer the job. But since they haven’t called any of my references every day that passes I lose hope.

In the meantime life goes on. For as much as I would like to take some time to save some money, relax and maybe go on vacation, unfortunately, that just isn’t going to happen. Our lease is up in July and though we have only been at this location a year, it has been one year too many. This year my foreclosure falls off and I will be able to get out of renting and buy a place. Now, just to find a nice enough place we can afford on just my income. Unfortunately, I live in a state where the real estate market is always high. I would consider moving out of state if it weren’t for my father’s unpredictable health.  I’m ok getting a small place since it’s just the two of us, but the area needs to be safe. It’s maddening that safe = more expensive, but then that’s a whole other tangent.

As July gets closer and we continue to fail at finding a place we like I feel the weight of stress increasing. It’s a tangible pressure on my shoulders that if I’m not careful will stop me from functioning all together. So every day I go to my necessary job, continue to try and eat healthier, walk or do karate and hope that I don’t crumble. I’m now functioning in a constant state of mild anxiety and I just hope that the eating better and being more active gets me though this.



  1. triSARAHtops · May 20, 2015

    Best of luck to you! I hope things improve 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Bor Bor Igmus · May 22, 2015

    Jinx, I’m sorry about the let down with the first job. I know it hurts. It’s sad that everyone learns how to win (and gets rewarded doubly for doing so) but no one teaches us how to deal with failure. And we ALL fail, sometimes. If there are ten applicants for one job, nine people are going to fail to get that job and will feel really bad about it. Which stinks. All I can think of are stupid platitudes, but the truth is that we all fall down–often. Somehow, you have to pick yourself up, brush off the dust and bandage the scrapes in order to move on. But it’s hard not to just want to lay there on your face, for a while.


    • Jinx · May 22, 2015

      There really should be classes for exactly what you are saying! How to fail and be OK. It is truly a part of life and yet no matter how much our brain’s know that it’s normal, there is a part of us that just cannot accept it and we feel like the failures. It really sucks!!


  3. kutukamus · June 16, 2015

    Hi Jinx. Frankly I doubt it that your situation is just ‘barely functioning’, for this writing of yours is crisp and clear—way better than many of those who push for some unsolicited advice. 🙂
    Good luck, nevertheless.


    • Jinx · June 23, 2015

      Thank you!! I appreciate that unexpected compliment 🙂


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