I have a very vivid imagination. Mostly I use it for good like when I’m reading an amazing book and it comes to life in my mind. But sometimes it can turn to evil. I’m not just taking bad, but pure un-medicated crazy. I know I’m not alone in this so I thought I would share a few of my crazy moments. I will call these-
Psycho thoughts that may get me arrested so I would never do them but I can’t help (and sometimes enjoy) thinking about:
1. Neighbors that believe they own the street and therefore park two of their four cars in front of our house. I’ve imagined slashing their tires, smashing windows, keying their doors and rubbing dog poop all over the handles. Have fun getting into your tore up poopmobile.
2. I’ve also imagined doing the aforementioned horrible things to cars that cannot park correctly in parking lots.
3. Rude co-worker talking loudly on their work phone regarding personal issues. Aside from imagining grabbing the phone from her and smacking her with it, I’ve also imagined making her eat it and/or using as a suppository.
4. People that don’t realize they are driving in the wrong lane on the freeway. Sure, cars are passing on both the left and the right but they are going to just keep on cruising. I would like to drive up on their bumper and push them up to an appropriate speed. There ya go slow poke, I just gave you a little boost to get your slow ass moving. If you go careening off the road as a result…well c’est la vie.
5. Inept server at the restaurant, you never brought the water I asked for, gave no refills and the food was cold after we waited over an hour. Not only are you not getting a tip, I’m not paying. Bubye!
6. People walking in the middle of the street like the cross walk was just a suggestion. Congratulations you are now worth 100 points each, 200 for those that try to run away.
7. Barking dog at 3 am. NO, I will not do anything to the dog, it’s not their fault you the owner are irresponsible, but I will take every last bit of poop from my dogs and cat and deposit it all in your yard. Some may get on your windows, doormats and patio furniture depends on how my aim is and what my fur babies ate that day.
8. Really BF, you couldn’t throw that empty box away so you left in on the counter, and the wrappers on the table with the junk mail you know we will never read? Well it will all be waiting for you on your side of the bed. Cuddle that!! Don’t get a paper cut.
These were just a few of the pretty detailed psycho thoughts that I encounter more often that I would like to admit. However, should you hear about someone doing any of these things in the news it was NOT me. Nor should anyone lest they face the consequences! 🙂