This is the longest time I’ve had away from work in years. The intense joy of logging off my computer December 19th reminded me that I am actually capable of such positive emotions. Thanks to the holidays I had actual plans last week, with people! Even though I wasn’t going anywhere for a true vacation all that mattered is that I would NOT be at work. I would not see my sniveling co-workers, or feel the heaviness of the office’s low morale for a full 13 days :-D.
I still have until this Friday, but I can feel a physical and emotional shift as the time of my return draws closer. There is a voice inside me that reminds me I need to embrace this time while it lasts. I need to do all the things I never have time for while simultaneously I need to be relaxing and letting go of stress. This has become a daily struggle of should I get the dogs out, get the sales items we wanted for Christmas or stay in my PJs all day and watch movies.
For some this struggle would be amusing and perhaps they would designate a day for each of those tasks. But for me it becomes counterproductive. If I make the decision to stay in, I give myself a mental beating for “wasting” the day. If I go out and do the errands and shopping the mental beating of spending too much ensues. It is a stupid and ridiculous thought process I know this.
The problem is, I know this time has to end. I will be back at work on Friday and next week I return to the doldrums of being a responsible adult. I feel like a kid who is finishing the best milkshake ever and with all their might is sucking on that straw to get every last drop.
Ok self, let go of that straw. Instead of getting any further joy from this you are just sucking.