It’s easy to be optimistic, cheerful and positive when life is being sweet and kind. It’s certainly easier to be up when things are going well. It’s the times when life isn’t so merry or the routine of daily living becomes mundane and stagnant that the mood starts to slip. Sometimes the decline can be so gradual it’s hardly noticed. At first there may be denial. You think, sure I’m a bit down but that’s normal considering the circumstances. You keep on plugging away, getting irritated a little more frequently (well that’s because they’re all idiots), feeling a bit achy (maybe it’s the flu), you want to sleep more (but who doesn’t when it’s cloudy and cold outside), you start getting behind at work (It’s just a day no big deal). Not until the muck of despair starts to stick and the stench of melancholy covers you do you finally look up and think, whoa, here I am again, sitting in the pit of depression.
Sometimes anger is easier to deal with than the overwhelming sadness. Fuck you depression, you worthless piece of shit! You have done nothing but make me feel worthless and hopeless, lazy, resentful, unmotivated and helpless. Then that anger starts to spread and nothing feels right. Is this relationship really what I want for the rest of my life? He just doesn’t get me and I don’t get him, maybe we are not compatible. This job is a total dead end. I do nothing worthwhile and I am learning nothing new. My co-workers are idiots. Why is there so much traffic?! I swear no one knows how to drive! Maybe I should just quit everything and leave!
Snippets of reality sneak in. Hey, you’re depressed; you know not to make any major decisions when you feel like this. You are with a great guy, he’s done nothing wrong. Your job is what keeps you from living on the streets. It’s not your dream job but it pays the bills. Where would you run to? You have nowhere to go. Do you want to live with your mom? Hell NO! Ok, then calm down freaky depressed self, here’s some mind numbing T.V. to distract you. And so you move on to face another day.