Perhaps I’ve taken the art of conversation for granted. For as much as I isolate when I’m depressed, I’m capable of carrying on conversations that consist of give and take. I’m also pretty good at asking open ended and relevant questions when it comes to special occasions or new things. What I’m learning is that this is not a trait everyone has. Sure, I knew there were social deficiencies out there but I’ve never had a relationship with someone that was so incapable of gleaning even the most basic of information from people.
It started to become clear when my boyfriend shared with me he was going to go visit his grandfather (we can also add any family member or friend he plans to see). He had talked to him on the phone and they planned to meet on Wednesday. I asked him what time he was meeting him. He said he didn’t know. I then asked where they were meeting. He said, “Um probably his house, I don’t know.” So I said, “Didn’t you just talk with your grandfather for an hour after which you both decided to get together this week?” He replied, “Yes.” “And during that hour you didn’t arrange a time or place?” Shock clear in my voice. “Nope.” What? How? Why? I found this bizarre.
After my BF’s brother called to announce the birth of his child, my BF proudly gave me the gender, time the baby was born, the weight and length. “Great!” I responded, “What did they name him?” Blank stare. Are you kidding me?
I’ve have come to expect that whenever my BF has a story to tell, all information he gives me is all he received. He just does not ask follow up questions. The only time I find this trait a problem is when he plans get togethers. I have to practically write down all questions he needs to ask to ensure we know when, why (is it a birthday party?) and where we are going.
I don’t get it. I don’t get how he has survived this long. I’ve asked him how he has gotten to places and events in the past. He responded that he usually has an idea of where something is going to be and just shows up. If it’s not the right place, he will call and ask. Maybe I’m the one with the problem. What if life would be simpler if I didn’t ask and went with the flow, trusted my instincts. ACK! Just the thought of that gives me anxiety!!!