I will admit I had no plan when I started blogging. Motives for starting blogs vary greatly amongst the posts I’ve read. I know I had loved writing while growing up and I wanted to give it another shot. I decided that I was ok if no one followed me as I was writing for myself. When I did get followers it was surprisingly thrilling and gratifying. I felt validated in a way a regular private diary can never produce. At that point I believed I should have a plan. I thought I would have a set day to write, but my actions decided something different. In my very first blog post I write about how I used to keep a diary when I was growing up. I was never consistent, I would just write when I felt like it, sometimes it was daily sometimes it was weekly. Eventually the desire to write would fade away and the diary ended. With blogging I find that I’m writing more than I thought I would. Perhaps it’s the “newness” of writing, and thoughts long repressed are finding release for the first time. I’m hoping that’s not the case.
I used to want to be a writer but I never cultivated that desire. A huge reason for that is I handle rejection pretty badly. From my understanding rejection is just par for the course when it comes to most artistic endeavors. The beauty and problem with any expression of art is that it is usually very personal. It is an extension of ourselves and to have someone say it isn’t good enough or inadequate can be devastating.
I see now that blogging fulfills a few needs: the desire to write, the wish to be heard, and no fear of rejection because it’s not for anyone else’s approval.
I’ve chosen not to share my blog with friends and family. Most don’t even know I do it. It drives my mother crazy as she and I are very close and she always wants to be a part of any project I’m involved in. While the blog is public I’m addressing very private issues. I want to be able to write freely of my feelings positive or negative. I want to voice opinions and frustrations and so often they involve family and friends. Maybe one day I will share with them, for now I don’t want to.
If you’ve read this far I want to thank you. I know this wasn’t the most thought provoking or interesting thing to write about. I just wanted to share a bit more about what this experience is like for me. I know I enjoy reading about your personal journeys as well.