Along with all the other fun things depression has to offer, I often struggle with distinguishing if I’m just mentally sick or physically sick as well. For me, my depression comes with its share of somatic symptoms such as stomach-aches, headaches, sore muscles and fatigue. This week was especially difficult as my physical symptoms seemed to be far worse than usual. Not flu or cold necessarily, those can be pretty obvious, but continuous stomach ailments and really sore muscles. So am I actually sick with something, or is my depression just trying to kill me? I can never tell which came first, was I depressed and that manifested into physical symptoms or am I sick and feeling depressed as a result of that? Ohhh depression, you sneaky little jerk.
As with any ailment, physical or mental, my motivation is shot. I missed a lot of work and fell behind in my duties. What sucks is that the stress of knowing that, creates more mental anguish, thereby exacerbating the physical issues. What a friggin mess! Just writing it out and reading the words, it’s absolutely ridiculous! The catch 22 of mental health issues is astounding. Should I bother going to the doctor? Even if it’s a virus there is nothing she can do. So, for now I will continue to “rest” and hope that it passes. BLAH this week 😛